How to FINALLY learn English grammar (and why you haven’t been able to so far)

When I first meet with a new student, one of the things I ask is how they feel about their grammar. This is what they say:

I feel like I need to go back and review the basics. I still don’t really understand the difference between the tenses – like Present Perfect, for example, is hard for me.

I’ve studied the conditionals at least ten times, and I always just forget them.

I would really like to improve my grammar. I don’t feel confident with it.

I’m bad at grammar. I’m learning the same grammar over and over again and I still don’t know it.

And I ask them to explain a bit more, and they do… often with perfect grammar!

If you’re like any of my students and also want to finally learn grammar PROPERLY, first of all you need to ask yourself what that means. Often, students at upper intermediate and advanced levels already know most of the grammar they’ll ever need, and they often have good instincts that allow them to hear that a sentence is correct – or not. But they still feel their grammar isn’t so good. Why?

What even IS grammar?

I find that often, students see grammar as this separate aspect of language you need to master through doing endless tasks and memorising endless rules. But grammar is just the way we put words together to make our meaning easier to understand.

If you say, I’m going to Biedronka, you’re helping your housemate understand that they should tell you if they want milk now, because it’ll be too late in a moment.

If you say, I went to Biedronka, your housemate will know it’s too late to ask for milk, but probably they can ask about what’s on sale.

For everyday communication, you don’t always need much grammar. If you want your friend to pass you the salt, you can say, salt, and you’ll get your salt.

But imagine you’re sitting at the table with a prospective employer. You’d want to ask them Could you pass me the salt? rather than just barking salt at them!

Grammar is distance. There is very little distance between you and your friend: you know each other well and don’t need to bother with politeness. But there is a lot of distance between you and your prospective employer: you need more grammar to speak with them.

Now, imagine you’re telling your friend a story about how you bought salt on sale at Biedronka. You can’t just say salt, or even, salt sale. You’ll need I’ve bought salt on sale at Biedronka. You need more grammar, because there is more distance now: the salt is no longer on the table in front of you, it’s all the way back at Biedronka, and some time has passed since!

All this means that as your English becomes more advanced, you will need your grammar to become more complex and more precise. You no longer need English purely to order a coffee at a coffee shop (which only really requires you to know the words coffee, please, and no grammar!). You need English now to talk to academics and business partners; to write reports and discuss politics; to share personal anecdotes and reflections.

Find the grammar around you

If you understand what you need grammar for, that’s where you find it. Want to discuss politics? Listen to a podcast or watch a YouTube video of people doing the same, and pay attention. Can you hear what tenses they use? How are their sentences structured? Can you write down a couple, and see if you can rewrite them to reflect your views?

There’s nothing wrong with doing grammar tasks or reading through lists of rules. I think both can be quite useful! But once you already know the basics, you’ll get a lot more out of finding grammar in real language.

This is how we did it with a student recently.

All credit to Jim Davis! This particular comic strip comes from the book Garfield Keeps His Chin Up.

We read this comic together, then asked:

• What’s the tense used in these sentences: I’ve had a bad day | It’s been one disaster after another? → Present Perfect Simple

• Why does John use this tense? → because it’s still the same day | because it’s recent | because there are consequences in the present: he’s had a bad day, and so now he feels awful

• Can we create similar sentences to talk about our lives? → I’ve had an okay day | It’s been busy at work.

Next time you’re reading something online or listening to a song, choose a sentence and ask yourself the same questions. When you do, you will pay conscious attention to the grammar, which research has proven is essential to learning. You will also notice the most standard ways in which particular bits of grammar are used. For example, it’s very common to see the phrase it’s been in Present Perfect. We say it’s been hard / it’s been busy / it’s been one thing after another / it’s been a while since I saw you / it’s been ages!

Sometimes, grammar is just what sounds good

It’s not always rules you need.

Oftentimes when students feel unsure about their sentence structure and tense use, they think they need to study more grammar. In fact, it might be that they need to pay more attention to what sounds good.

When you start learning English, one of the first sentences you’ll learn might be I was born in Cracow.

As a beginner, you’re unlikely to know that born is the past participle of the verb to bear. You don’t know what passive voice is, or that really in this sentence you’re saying, Zostałam urodzona w Krakowie. None of it matters–all you need to know is that this is what we say. If one of your classmates mistakenly says, I born in Cracow, you might be able to tell it’s wrong, but you won’t be able to explain why!

Learn to apply the same perspective to more complex sentences. Make a note of words and phrases that you see used together a lot. If you hear a sentence you like the sound of, write it down. Read as much as you’re able. The more you expose yourself to advanced structures, the easier it will be for you to “hear” if your own attempts sound natural or not.

Some things, you’re not ready for

Do you struggle with conditionals? (it’s those pesky sentences that have if in them) Do you never know if you should use a or the? (these are called articles, and all Polish speakers hate them) Oh–do you STILL forget to add s to the verb after he / she / it?

Here’s what I say to that: good. You’re normal.

Here’s a story: I had a student who spoke beautiful English. She understood nearly anything I threw at her. She watched TV series without subtitles and knew how to write essays. And still, she would say, My brother like watching sports.

When I repeated the sentence to her and asked, are you sure that’s right?, she would exclaim, LIKES! But two minutes later, she did the same thing. Often, I couldn’t be bothered to correct her, because we had more important things to talk about.

And then, all of a sudden, she stopped. And she never did it again.

This is an old story that repeats itself across students and across grammar points. Sometimes, you may know a rule, but your language is not yet at the right level for you to be able to apply it.

Did you know that students ALWAYS master their use of Past Simple before they learn to add s to the end of the verb in Present Simple? It doesn’t matter if you teach them Present Simple first, or if you do countless tasks on Present Simple. Until they’ve started using Past Simple correctly without having to think about it, they WILL NOT remember the -s when they speak. Makes no sense, but here it is.

It would seem certain things in language simply take time. Most advanced students struggle with the correct use of conditionals. I did, too. I had pages covered with notes on the form of the 3rd conditional, and how to mix the conditionals, and when, and I did countless tasks… and then, suddenly, I didn’t have to think about it any more. It became obvious. It became so instinctive that I would have probably forgotten half of the rules if I didn’t have to teach them to others. (And now I realise that’s a 3rd/2nd mixed conditional sentence I’ve just used!)

It’s important to be aware of grammar and what kinds of mistakes you struggle with. But don’t obsess over it. Instead, learn more English. Learn vocabulary, listen, read, write, speak with people. The grammar will come.

Next week, I’ll show you some ways you can boost your grammar skills with reading, and how easy it can be. Make sure to sign up to my newsletter or follow me on social media so you don’t miss it!